So, there I was in a meeting when the ink in my pen ran out. No biggie. I always carry one million spare pens, so off I went, straight into my handbag. Side pocket, nope, no pen there. What if I try over here, to the right a bit … no luck. Um, what’s that I feel? Strange. Must pull it out and have a quick look … (and yes, this was all internal dialogue, I wasn’t talking to myself like a complete lunatic).
Not really sure what I was thinking in hindsight (damn you hindsight), but what I innocently yanked out of my black hole of a handbag mid-meeting was more than a little embarrassing. It was a plastic purple eggplant. Yes, that’s what I said. See exhibit A.
And I am well aware of the craziness of the situation. Yes, yes, it’s phallic, and for a moment there I think my meeting companion thought I had pulled out a rather oddly shaped and somewhat small (what would be the point, really?) vibrator. Nope, sorry, nothing to see here folks. It’s a toy eggplant, because clearly I like to be prepared for any type of “Oh shit does someone have a purple plastic toy eggplant on them …. it’s an emergency!” situation.
Of course, I can thank my three-and-a-half-year-old son for this embarrassing and clearly inappropriate fake vegetable reveal.
Anyway, after the meeting I decided I should probably have a dig around and find out what other weird and whacky items were lying low in my oversized and overstuffed handbag. Clearly, it was time for a clean out (here’s the offending handbag).
And here’s what I found. Be afraid. Be very afraid …
- Buried at the bottom, hiding below my oversized sunglasses case and my beautiful red leather wallet, was a pair of undies. Not mine, just to clarify. The cutest little pair of size 3 Thomas the Tank Engine jocks you’ve ever seen. Sigh. No baby wipes though, so not sure how I planned to adequately deal with an ill-timed wee wee or poo poo situation come to think of it …
- A giant purple crayon (clearly colour themed with the purple eggplant).
- Seven pens (well, if all seven pens run out of ink I can at least draw a pretty picture for the fridge with my purple crayon).
- Two Milk Arrowroot biscuits in a snaplock bag, in case of hungry toddler (and Genine) emergencies (up until two weeks ago there was also a packet of Tiny Teddies in there … Genine, do you know where they went???).
- Lipsticks, five. And three of them pretty much in the exact same colour.
- Lipglosses, six. And five of them pretty much in the exact same colour as the three lipsticks.
- 11 bobby pins. Think they’ve been breeding in there.
- One giant can of deodorant – I hate sweating.
- A snaplock bag filled with my makeup (a fashionable replacement for my makeup bag – I blame my recent overseas holiday and those annoying customs rules … and I’ve clearly been too busy to do anything about it).
- 361 business cards – and not one of my own. Whoops.
- Five old shopping lists – why I can’t throw them away, I have NO idea!
- Three tins of Moxi tampons – just in case I have a really heavy day … What the?
- Oh and here’s the really embarrassing bit, 967 tissues in varying stages of “used”. I know, yuck. Sorry.
- Last, but certainly far from least, I found a tattoo of the Australian flag. Of course I did – doesn’t everyone have a fake Aussie flag tattoo in their handbag?
- And a partridge in a pear tree.
Okay, so my poor old bag was clearly in need of a little TLC. What do you have in YOUR handbag? I challenge you to top the purple eggplant and Australian flag tattoo.
And …. GO!
Alli
x
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Nothing that exciting in mine.
My iPad (never leave home without it), iPhone (it mainly is used for phone calls and texts now its big brother is here) a gajillion business cards, flyers and pages with info and offers on from attending networking events and swapping cards, a pretty silver card holder- with cards plus a plastic ugly back up stash of cards, several lipsticks and lip glosses that i don’t use and a whole what seems like bucket of sand. Blogging while sitting on the beach with the wind blowing has its hazards…
My mom deserves to win this bag beasuce, well like most people posted, supported me entirely when I chose a vegtarian life stlye. But what most people didn’t include was how many hours their mother helped them with their writing projects, or how much money my mother has taken out of her own pocket to buy things that would make her kids happy. Or how much their mothers have sacrifed for them, whether it be giving up a pillow for the night or not going out with her friends so she can take you to a cheerleading practice or to the movies. I could argue all day about how much my mom deserves this handbag, simply beasuce to me, I don’t know of a mother who loves me, or who I love, more than her. She has to be probably the most influencial, enpowering, loving woman in my life. I look up to her so much, and I just want to see her happy, and although a handbag is pretty minor compared to what she does for me, its all I can do for her. I owe my mother more than I can comprehend, for she carried me for nine months and then cared for me for my life, the least I can do for her is win her a crueltry-free hangbag.VA:F [1.9.8_1114]Like (0 votes)
I have two girls … all I can say is Barbie shoes and Bratz feet are related to cubed carrots in your stomach. Doesn’t matter how long ago you had them – they reappear years later. I continued to find lone Barbie shoes in the bottom of my handbag all the way until the girls hit High School – even though I swear the last Barbie left the building somewhere in Grade 3.
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