Last night I woke up at 2.29am – for the third time this week. The same time every night. I even know the time before I look at the alarm clock. I feel like a walking Zombie straight out of a B-grade movie!
Who’s with me?
You know those nights when something wakes you up (in my case, needing a wee so having to trot naked, in the freezing cold and dark and generally bumping into a few walls on the way) then your mind starts ticking away and you can’t get back to sleep?
There’s nothing you can do – counting sheep doesn’t work, nor does channelling a bit of Zen or sleeping on your tummy. That silly little brain just keeps buzzing away. I mean, what is the point of it? Thinking about the budget spreadsheet at 2:00am ain’t going to help me while lying in my bed and reminding myself constantly, at 3:47am, to talk to the designer about using gold on the cover is nothing but annoying.
I know many of you will be shouting, “Keep a pad of paper by your bed so you can write your thoughts down”, but you know what? That means actually waking up completely and turning on the bloody light (hence waking everyone else up in the process). Then I REALLY can’t get back to sleep.
So here are my top tips for dealing with the midnight wake-ups;
- Try reading War and Peace before you go to sleep. This ‘classic’ novel is so verbose and uses such flowery words it’s guaranteed to put any one to sleep!
- Stay up well past midnight so that when you do finally wake up in the middle of the night, it will actually be just about time to get up. NOTE: Side effect is that by 3:00pm you’ll think it’s bedtime so you will have to crawl up under your work desk for a kip. Side effect of side effect: Your boss will no doubt be unimpressed so don’t expect that raise anytime soon.
- Don’t let a small furry dog sleep in the bed with you. Yes, yes, I know that letting your dog sleep in your bed is the start of all sorts of problems, but it’s so cold at the moment and she’s just so cute! Drawback is she has been overheating since we got the electric blanket but refuses to actually sleep in her own dog bed like a real dog (some would argue real dogs sleep outside – not in this house!). Instead, she ‘tells’ me every half hour how hot she is, and then promptly crawls straight back under the doona.
- Get up and watch a few infomercials … that will put ANYONE back to sleep. Zzzz …
- And lastly, try drinking four glasses of straight scotch before bed time. Not three – not quite enough. And not five – five scotches can lead to Facebooking old boyfriends. It’s just like playing pool (I am crap after three drinks, but awesome after four, shithouse after five – it’s a small window of opportunity to be a pool shark).
Cheers to a good nights sleep!
What are your tips for going back to sleep?