You know how they say “a problem shared is a problem halved”? Well, today I am sharing my problems with you, because frankly, I have had a crappity crap week and I NEED TO VENT TO SOMEONE! Normally I would vent to Genine, and she would listen and then pretty much tell me to harden the f#%k up. But as she is off swanning around in the UK on chief WAG duties, I have been left to my own “glass half empty” devices.
So people, it’s over to you to be my sounding board today. Apologies. And here we have it … Alli’s Friday JUST VENTING explosion!
1. Man flu BE GONE! Yes, despite being a woman I clearly have the man flu, as I have been complaining like, well, a man. A lot. Whiney whiner. Cough. Splutter. I really don’t have time to be sick, or, frankly, the emotional capacity to push through it. Oh and did I mention that I have also lost my voice? That’s just fabulous! I’m tired of coughing all night. Tired of sore throats like I’m swallowing razor blades. And tired of not being able to stop and rest to actually recover. Cough. Splutter. (That’s me below, without the beard!)
2. And while I’m at it, bugger off rash! But not just any kind of rash, a manky bloody rash – how dare you invade my chest, neck, shoulders and face? And why, pray tell, did you have to be some kind of superhero rash that doesn’t respond to creams, tablets or steroids? Oh and while I’m at it – would every sick bastard on the east side of Brisbane please STOP GOING TO THE DOCTOR! I have called three doctors this week – all booked up. Selfish sick people.
3. This is to the person who wronged me in business this week – karma is coming to get you. Big time. That is all.
4. Now, Hudson, stop being so bloody rough! Yes, I know you’re three, but seriously, if you push / kick / hit me one more time … (insert empty threats here) …. And by the way, if I have to count to two and a half again this week, they will be carting mummy off to the funny farm and you’ll be left to make your own scrambled eggs. (PS – I do adore you, of course, Mummy is just having a moment.)
5. This one is aimed at the trash mags – sure, I like a bit of fact-free gossip and the odd trashy celebrity story every now and again. But do you REALLY have to plaster the front cover of EVERY bloody magazine in celebrities in their bikinis? They are too fat or too skinny or too bony or too freaky or too perfect or too curvy … and it is doing my head in! And it also may cause me to stop eating altogether. Please cease. Immediately. (Case in point …)
6. To the universe in general – please send us some money. We really could do with a helping hand, and my bank robbery plans aren’t going so well, on account of the man flu and everything. Why oh why doesn’t money have to make the world go round? Why can’t we live on love alone? Why, world, why? And yes, we are in a bit of a financial tight spot – donations gratefully received.
7. Now, this one is aimed firmly at Coles Supermarkets – shame on you for being so bloody deceitful! How can you claim “Baked today, sold today” and “Baked fresh in-store” when your bread is actually MADE IN IRELAND and comes out on a BOAT? WTF!!! Seriously cheeky and I’m not impressed. Good on Jeff Kennett for taking you to task over this one – hope the ACCC gets ya good! You can read all about it here.
8. And finally, to my dear friend who this week told me that our friendship is pretty much one-sided and made me cry … I AM SO SORRY! You’re right. I don’t mean to be a bad friend, I’m just really busy and really stressed and really overwhelmed and I’ll try harder. I’ll call more. I’ll be better. (Yep friends, I have been crying all week over this one – I feel awful!)
Ahhh, that’s better! Sometimes you just have to get stuff off your chest, don’t you? Now I can get on with the day. Just have to shake this damn man flu.
Would you like to get something off your chest? Vent away! Feels good … promise! And we’re all here to listen …